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Wednesday, October 24, 2007
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Thought of the day: 10:09:07
"Innovation is not an everyday joke, need strong basic and crazy creativity"
Monday, October 8, 2007
Conflict Resolution
Disagreements
Disagreements and quarrels in a relationship are inevitable, and if approached with openness and respect, they can be beneficial. If two people know how to resolve conflicts so that their relationship deepens and matures, they possess a magnificent skill. Rather than fostering silent resentment, the conflict can be aired openly and resolved, leaving the two free to face together whatever challenges life may offer around the next bend of road.
Contribution to stronger relationship
The degree to which any two or more people can allow for openness and authenticity is the degree to which their relationship will be complete and satisfying. If they hide their thoughts and feelings out of fear that conflict may result, it won't be long until they feel a sense of inner lost ness and resentment toward each other. Conflict that is resolved in a healthy way helps to clear up misunderstandings and miscommunication.
Good relationships
Good relationships allow for a considerable amount of individual freedom for one of two reasons. Two or more people may discover in their openness that they are very much alike. Or they may discover that even though they have differences, have learned to manage these differences to the ultimate advantage of their relationship.
The secret of successful conflict resolution
Constructive conflict revolves around mutual respect and concern for the other person's individual needs. If you respect yourself and the other person, you will check inside yourself for the answer to an important question and then take your time formulating this answer. You will be satisfied with your answer, and you will state your opinions with assurance. If this is true for you, then most likely you have individual and collective trust and respect. Conflict is a thousand times easier to manage if two people deeply respect themselves and each other. If that foundation is present, the techniques of conflict resolution can be learned easily.
Proven ways to resolve conflict
Agree to disagree
In conflict resolution, there must be a basic agreement that both people have legitimate right to think and feel the way they do. No one is wrong simply because he or she disagrees with the other person or does things differently. It is okay to have a different point of view.
Listen
Both persons need to be fully heard by the other, and they need to know they have been accurately understood. For most people, it's more important to be heard and understood than to win a point. If you know that the other person understands your thoughts and feelings, you automatically feel relieved, even if your differences continue.
Define the conflict
Your points of disagreement need to be specified carefully and then agreed upon. It can be hard to define the problem, so sometimes it is best to do this in writing. By doing this, you clear away any confusion and identify the root issues.
Compromise
An attitude of "give and take" greatly facilitates conflict resolution. You need to say something like this to each other. "Where can I give and where can you give so we can move toward one another?" When two or more people move to compromise with each other, they are on the threshold of actually benefiting from their conflict.
Congratulations
When you resolve a conflict, congratulate each other. Praise the person for the qualities that allowed your needs met and feels important in the process. This allows for win-win situation and builds a deeper relationship.
Methods to avoid in conflict resolution
Denial
Some people are so convinced that conflict is destructive that they refuse to even acknowledge it in themselves. They deny that anything is wrong. Remember, healthy people are able to engage in conflict and still love and respect themselves and the other person. If conflict is a difficult problem for you, and if a relationship is worth saving, seek wise counsel on how to manage your disagreements.
Non-engagement
Some people simply will not engage in conflict, but they will let their displeasure be known in other ways. They may pout, give you the silent treatment, and carefully avoid topics that could engender conflict, or punish you by maintaining emotional distance. These tactics are extremely damaging to relationships. Again, it's healthier to talk about disagreements than to sweep them under the rug.
Anger
Unfortunately, a lot of people are addicted to anger as a way of handling conflict. People who regularly explode are not healthy, nor are they happy. Again, if the relationship is worth saving, a well-trained professional counselor can help with anger management. Behavior can be changed with God's help. Love is not easily angered. 1 Corinthians 13:5
Manipulation
Manipulation can take many different forms:
Guilt -you should just do as she says because…,
Flattery- it would be such an honor for me, if someone of your significance….
Threats- If you don't want to do this there are a lot who can do that…
Blackmail-If you do this, I won't tell…
Subtle deal-making- I know what I am asking turns you off, but if you go ahead and do that you will be glad…
Blatant pay-off- If you will go along with me on this one, I'll do what you want on that other one…
How mature Individuals handle conflict
-They have a strong commitment to harmony, but only if it involves openness and authenticity on both individuals.
- Both persons have a deep respect for themselves and for the other person.
- Both persons expect to be differences between them, and they welcome them.
- They appreciate the uniqueness of the other person and understand the importance of listening and hearing accurately.
- Each has a strong sense of comfort in the relationship.
- They are determined to deal with conflict, not ignore it.
- Both are able to admit when they are wrong.
-They are not defensive – they feel no sense of competition or the desire to win.
-They are both eager to congratulate one another when differences are resolved happily.
-They recognize that the road to harmony needs to be kept clear of conflict and resentment and are willing to spend the time required to get this done.
Disagreements and quarrels in a relationship are inevitable, and if approached with openness and respect, they can be beneficial. If two people know how to resolve conflicts so that their relationship deepens and matures, they possess a magnificent skill. Rather than fostering silent resentment, the conflict can be aired openly and resolved, leaving the two free to face together whatever challenges life may offer around the next bend of road.
Contribution to stronger relationship
The degree to which any two or more people can allow for openness and authenticity is the degree to which their relationship will be complete and satisfying. If they hide their thoughts and feelings out of fear that conflict may result, it won't be long until they feel a sense of inner lost ness and resentment toward each other. Conflict that is resolved in a healthy way helps to clear up misunderstandings and miscommunication.
Good relationships
Good relationships allow for a considerable amount of individual freedom for one of two reasons. Two or more people may discover in their openness that they are very much alike. Or they may discover that even though they have differences, have learned to manage these differences to the ultimate advantage of their relationship.
The secret of successful conflict resolution
Constructive conflict revolves around mutual respect and concern for the other person's individual needs. If you respect yourself and the other person, you will check inside yourself for the answer to an important question and then take your time formulating this answer. You will be satisfied with your answer, and you will state your opinions with assurance. If this is true for you, then most likely you have individual and collective trust and respect. Conflict is a thousand times easier to manage if two people deeply respect themselves and each other. If that foundation is present, the techniques of conflict resolution can be learned easily.
Proven ways to resolve conflict
Agree to disagree
In conflict resolution, there must be a basic agreement that both people have legitimate right to think and feel the way they do. No one is wrong simply because he or she disagrees with the other person or does things differently. It is okay to have a different point of view.
Listen
Both persons need to be fully heard by the other, and they need to know they have been accurately understood. For most people, it's more important to be heard and understood than to win a point. If you know that the other person understands your thoughts and feelings, you automatically feel relieved, even if your differences continue.
Define the conflict
Your points of disagreement need to be specified carefully and then agreed upon. It can be hard to define the problem, so sometimes it is best to do this in writing. By doing this, you clear away any confusion and identify the root issues.
Compromise
An attitude of "give and take" greatly facilitates conflict resolution. You need to say something like this to each other. "Where can I give and where can you give so we can move toward one another?" When two or more people move to compromise with each other, they are on the threshold of actually benefiting from their conflict.
Congratulations
When you resolve a conflict, congratulate each other. Praise the person for the qualities that allowed your needs met and feels important in the process. This allows for win-win situation and builds a deeper relationship.
Methods to avoid in conflict resolution
Denial
Some people are so convinced that conflict is destructive that they refuse to even acknowledge it in themselves. They deny that anything is wrong. Remember, healthy people are able to engage in conflict and still love and respect themselves and the other person. If conflict is a difficult problem for you, and if a relationship is worth saving, seek wise counsel on how to manage your disagreements.
Non-engagement
Some people simply will not engage in conflict, but they will let their displeasure be known in other ways. They may pout, give you the silent treatment, and carefully avoid topics that could engender conflict, or punish you by maintaining emotional distance. These tactics are extremely damaging to relationships. Again, it's healthier to talk about disagreements than to sweep them under the rug.
Anger
Unfortunately, a lot of people are addicted to anger as a way of handling conflict. People who regularly explode are not healthy, nor are they happy. Again, if the relationship is worth saving, a well-trained professional counselor can help with anger management. Behavior can be changed with God's help. Love is not easily angered. 1 Corinthians 13:5
Manipulation
Manipulation can take many different forms:
Guilt -you should just do as she says because…,
Flattery- it would be such an honor for me, if someone of your significance….
Threats- If you don't want to do this there are a lot who can do that…
Blackmail-If you do this, I won't tell…
Subtle deal-making- I know what I am asking turns you off, but if you go ahead and do that you will be glad…
Blatant pay-off- If you will go along with me on this one, I'll do what you want on that other one…
How mature Individuals handle conflict
-They have a strong commitment to harmony, but only if it involves openness and authenticity on both individuals.
- Both persons have a deep respect for themselves and for the other person.
- Both persons expect to be differences between them, and they welcome them.
- They appreciate the uniqueness of the other person and understand the importance of listening and hearing accurately.
- Each has a strong sense of comfort in the relationship.
- They are determined to deal with conflict, not ignore it.
- Both are able to admit when they are wrong.
-They are not defensive – they feel no sense of competition or the desire to win.
-They are both eager to congratulate one another when differences are resolved happily.
-They recognize that the road to harmony needs to be kept clear of conflict and resentment and are willing to spend the time required to get this done.
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